Civil Protection: The Tunnel

Civil Protection: The Tunnel


[Subtitles by danielsangeo] DAVE: [ninja sounds] MIKE: Man, it is DEAD out here today! DAVE: Yeah, it is pretty quiet
now that you mention it. MIKE: Well, not just that, but except for
roll call, I haven’t seen ANYONE this morning. Not even somebody walking down
the street. Nothing. DAVE: Come to think of it,
neither have I. Even that drunk guy who lives at the
stairwell of my apartment was gone this morning. And he’s ALWAYS there. MIKE: I don’t know why we’re even out
here. It’s not like we can see anything. DAVE: [ninja sounds] MIKE: Is there some kind of
holiday we don’t know about? Like Labor Day or
President’s Day or something? DAVE: Um… MIKE: Oh, wait. I guess not
President’s Day. DAVE: Yeah, I was gonna say. Now that we’re living under an
alien dictatorship, they probably don’t care too
much about President’s Day. MIKE: Yeah. But, we were both there before
the collapse. I still get things mixed up. DAVE: Plus, we’re in Europe now, too. MIKE: Oh yeah. What country did this
used to be before the aliens took over? I can’t read any of the old signs
here with the Russian lettering. For all I know, they’re saying
my mother’s ugly. DAVE: I’m pretty sure this used to
be Bulgaria from looking at the signs. And they’re not Russian.
They just look similar since both languages use
variants of the Cyrillic alphabet. MIKE: Wait. YOU know Bulgarian? DAVE: A little bit. MIKE: Where did you learn that? DAVE: I get around. MIKE: Bulgarian. Incredible. DAVE: Hey, look. A crow! MIKE: Oh, well don’t shoot it, man. DAVE: I wasn’t going to. Crows are one of the smartest
birds there are. MIKE: Exactly. I was watching this
nature program on TV a couple weeks ago and they were talking about
these crows that live in the city. They’re eating walnuts or something, except their shell was too hard
for them to crack with their beak. So what they were doing was dropping it on the
road, and then waiting for cars to run it over. DAVE: Ha. Hey, that is smart. MIKE: Well, that’s not the half of it. They do this at intersections, since
there’s always a lot of traffic there. But the problem is that the cars are always
moving, so they can’t land safely to pick up the nuts. DAVE: So how do they eat them? MIKE: Well, what they do is
drop it on the crosswalks. Let the cars run over it, then wait for lights to
change so they can swoop down and eat the nuts. DAVE: Wow, that’s really smart for a bird! MIKE: “For a bird”? Man, I’d be impressed if
some people on the FORCE could figure out how to do
something that complicated. DAVE: Ha ha. Yeah. Like Barney. MIKE: Barney. Man, Barney’s such an idiot. DAVE: Oh, that’s right. You haven’t heard
about the latest trouble he got into. MIKE: Oh yeah? DAVE: Get this: he was supposed to check
out this store alarm that went off by… [strange noises] MIKE: What the hell was THAT? Think it’s a dog? DAVE: I’ve never heard a dog
make a noise like that. MIKE: Yeah, me neither. Well, let’s go check it out! It’s not like we’re doing anything here. So, what’s this about Barney? DAVE: Oh yeah. So he gets a call
for a store alarm, but turns out… MIKE: Shi– [car horn honks] MIKE: You alright? DAVE: Yeah… MIKE: This is Unit 5 to
Dispatch. Come in. DISPATCH: This is Dispatch, go ahead. MIKE: We’ve got a 505 at the
Miskatonic Tunnel. Driver appears to be heading
west… in a black four-door sedan. Oh, and, uh… bullet holes in
the rear of the vehicle. Requesting an APB. Driver is
extremely dangerous. DISPATCH: Copy, Unit 5. Are you in pursuit? MIKE: Are we in pursu–? NO! We’re on foot, damn it! How are we gonna catch A CAR? The bastard nearly ran us over as it is! DISPATCH: Copy. Our charts show
you’re on vehicle patrol. MIKE: Oh, do they now? Well, please inform Command we
were issued NO CAR. And my feet still hurt from
yesterday’s patrol. Unit 5 out. DISPATCH: Affirmative. Dispatch out. MIKE: “Are you in pursuit?” I swear. DAVE: That’s a nice load of crap
about us having the car. MIKE: Ha, yeah. Good job, guys! Tell Dispatch we’re on vehicle
patrol and tell us we’re on foot patrol. No problems there! DAVE: Dammit, we need the car for this! Friggin’ drunk drivers! I’d like to see that
asshole trying to run us over in the APC! MIKE: Yeah, we could blow his
ass off the road if we had the APC. Well, we called it in. So it’s just a matter of time
before we get him. He can outrun us, but he
can’t outrun radio. DAVE: 300,000 kilometers per
second. Of PAIN! MIKE: Hey, uh, speaking of pain,
you sure you’re okay? Yeah, I got lucky and
rolled up on the hood. I think it would’ve broken
my legs if I hadn’t. MIKE: Wow. I guess you’re getting your
money’s worth out of that body armor, huh? DAVE: I love our uniforms. All the fun of a motorcycle
accident without the road rash. MIKE: I swear to God, you must be living
on borrowed karmic time or something. Oh, hey, let’s go figure out
what that sound was. It can’t be any worse than that driver. DAVE: Let’s take the sidewalk this time. MIKE: Uh… yeah. Whoa! This is new. DAVE: Looks like some
sort of construction job. MIKE: Guess so. Nice of them not to leave any
cones or lights. That’s a safety violation! Let’s see if we can find the foreman, so we
can give him a ticket in front of his workers. That should piss him off pretty good. DAVE: Ooh! I want to write it! DAVE: This place looks abandoned. MIKE: Yeah, that’s weird. If it was a construction project, then why would
they leave their tools lying all over the place? This foreman’s a joke. Wish I could just stand around
all day and yell at people. Not even care what happens. MIKE: Hey, how come you don’t
have your flashlight on? DAVE: Because I’m an Aquarius. MIKE: What? DAVE: You heard me. MIKE: (sigh) Forget it. DAVE: Hey, let’s check this room out. Civil Protection! Open up! MIKE: Is it open? DAVE: Guess so. MIKE: Ha. Looks like some
squatter’s living down here. Not a bad setup, actually. It’s nicer than my apartment. I hope he comes back while we’re here. I love the look on people’s faces when
they find a cop searching their place. It doesn’t even matter if
they’ve done anything. That look is the real perk of this job. DAVE: Hmph. This guy doesn’t even have
anything worth stealing. MIKE: Uh, I think you
mean “confiscate”, Dave. DAVE: Whatever. I’m never gonna
get rich at this rate. MIKE: Yeah. You’re right. You’re
not gonna get rich being a cop. Even if you did find some contraband,
we’d have to turn it in as evidence. DAVE: To each his own. MIKE: You’ve been hanging out
with Eddie too much. DAVE: Hey, I found a journal. MIKE: Neat. Anything interesting? DAVE: Let’s see… “September 26th– “I’m uncertain as to how I fill
secure funds to pay my rent. “I face the reality of an eviction
come the end of the month.” MIKE: Oh, boy. I know that feeling. DAVE: “I have no job prospects,
and thus the situation remains grim… MALE VOICE: With no kin nearby,
I shall be turned to the street. Forced to live among the
rabble like a beggar. I fear for my fate. 27th of September–An exciting discovery. While wandering the streets
looking for work today, I came across a curious new hole
inside the old Miskatonic Tunnel. I ventured inside and found a
network of tunnels inside of it. It looked to be completely abandoned, despite
having working electricity and plumbing. I simply must investigate this further. 28th of September– I spent most of my day
exploring these tunnels. I still have no clue as to the
extent of their size or what their purpose is. My best estimate is that they were an unfinished fallout shelter that
have since seen some improvements. They are completely abandoned,
hold for the occasional rat. I also found a sizable
store of canned goods that would reduce my living expenses considerably
over the next few weeks, if not months. I even found what appears to be
a living quarters, complete with bedding and a worktable. For someone in such dire need of
finances as myself, these tunnels are becoming most attractive. 29th of September– My time is waning. In two days, the rent will be due and I shall
be tossed out like an unwanted infant. I think my path is clear. With no signs of life at the
Miskatonic Tunnel, I shall commence moving all my
possessions there tomorrow, before my landlord arrives,
expecting his ransom. Come October morning, I shall be
nothing more than a ghost to him. [pounding on door] LANDLORD: Open the door!
It’s your landlord! MALE VOICE: 30th of September– Today has been a weary day,
moving all my belongings, but I have finally settled in. I shall write more when I
regain my strength. 2nd of October– I must say, I feel like a bit of a mole,
living in this subterranean abode, though it’s giving me far more comfort than
any dwellings above the surface ever did. Here, I have ample space, privacy,
and plenty of food to sustain me. It’s the best move I’ve ever made. I’ve taken up residence in what was apparently a
living quarters for whatever this place was. It has a curious design, as it looks
to be an antechamber of sorts. On the opposite side of the
entrance of the room, there’s a very large steel door
designed to handle heavy stresses. When I opened it, it connected
to even more tunnels, except these were simply dug out
and completely unlit. If time permits, I may explore these
rear tunnels to see if they lead to anything. 4th of October– Perhaps all this time below ground
is getting the better of me. I could have sworn I heard a
most peculiar noise last night. An unusual howling. Almost. [strange distant yowling] I suspect it to be some sort of
animal. But… what exactly? I don’t know! 5th of October– I awoke from my sleep to hear some sort
of scratching sound on the steel door to my room. I opened it expecting to find a rat. But, to my surprise, there was nothing there. Is this place getting the
better of my senses? 6th of October– There is most definitely
something else down here. I was awoken in my sleep again, this time
by a muffled pounding sound against the door. I was fearful of opening it but did so cautiously. I cannot be certain, but I thought I
saw the shadows of something run off. I think that– [strange yowling]
MIKE: Damn it, there’s that noise again! DAVE: “October 7th– “The interruptions to my sleep
are becoming insufferable. “I am going to explore the rear tunnels today to
determine the source of the peculiar noises. “I shall report on my findings
as soon as I return.” Uh-oh. This doesn’t look good. MIKE: What? DAVE: The rest of the diary is nothing but smear
marks on the pages. Looks like dried blood. That was his last entry. MIKE: But that was over a week ago. If that was his last entry, who
went and lit these candles? [man screams] MIKE: HELLO?! This is bad. Sounds like
somebody’s in trouble. DAVE: Want me to call it in? MIKE: Yeah. We might need backup. DAVE: This is Unit 5 to
Dispatch. Do you read? MIKE: Can you reach ’em? DAVE: No. It must be this tunnel
blocking the signal. MIKE: Ah, forget it. They’d probably
take an hour to get another unit here. And somebody might need our help right now. DAVE: Well, let’s go, then. MIKE: This way, I guess… MIKE: Hm. Dead end. MIKE: Whoa! What was that? Did you see that? DAVE: No. What was it? MIKE: Looked like a… flash of
light, I guess. I’m not sure. HEY! ANYBODY THERE?! THIS IS CIVIL PROTECTION! Let’s go check it out. DAVE: Nothing here, man. MIKE: I don’t understand it. I
know I saw something! DAVE: Maybe it’s just light
reflecting off a rock. MIKE: Nah, it was something
different. I know that much. DAVE: We’d better check the side tunnels
so we can find out what that screaming was. MIKE: I’d normally say to split
up but these tunnels are a maze! DAVE: Plus, our radio range is
probably pretty weak. You take point. I’ll be behind you. MIKE: Got it. MIKE: Hey! There it is again! DAVE: Yeah… I saw it too this time. MIKE: Let’s try and catch up
with it. Follow me! MIKE: AAAAAAH! Christ… Ah jeez. This is turning into some morning. Poor bastard. Looks like this guy has been here a while. I can’t even tell the cause of death. Look at his face. Looks like the rats got to him. What do you think, Dave? Dave? DAVE, GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE!
WE GOT A DEAD BODY! DAAAVE! DAVE, I’M GONNA MURDER YOU IN
YOUR SLEEP IF YOU’RE JOKING RIGHT NOW! What the hell? He was right behind me. That idiot’s not even using his flashlight. Oh, boy. This is NOT what I need right now. (thinking) Okay, think, Mike. We’ve got a dead body and Dave’s missing. Why’d he have to leave? Now we have hard evidence! We
can arrest anybody we want! This is just what our quotas need! So, of course, Dave’s gonna
screw this up! Mm, I guess I’d better be careful.
There might still be somebody in trouble. Plus, it’s too easy to get lost, and…
no one knows we’re down here. I’ll just head back outside so we can radio
Command to get some backup down here. Then we’ll ALL try and find Dave
and whoever else is down here. Mm. If Dave ran back to loot that shack when I
wasn’t looking, I’m gonna zap him with my stun-stick. Hey! You! You live here? I’m Civil Protection. I’m trying
to find my partner, plus we might have some
trouble back in these tunnels. Uh… Are you okay? HEY! I MEAN, WHAT THE HELL, MAN? YOU BASTARD! OPEN UP OR I’M PLACING YOU UNDER ARREST! FINE! YOU JUST BOUGHT YOURSELF A TICKET TO JAIL! I’LL BE BACK WITH A
PLATOON TO FLUSH YOU OUT! That son of a bitch… (thinking) I can’t believe that guy slammed
the door on me with that stupid grin on his face. We’ll see how much he’s smiling
once we get him in a detention center. I mean, where’s Dave? This would be a lot easier if he
wasn’t off clowning around. Well, there’s still a lot of unexplored
tunnels. There’s probably another entrance. I mean, Dave has to be down here somewhere. I’ll just find Dave, then we can
figure out another way out of here. I have to admit. If you were gonna get rid of a
body, this sure looks like the place for it. Whatever this “place” is. I feel
like I’m in an ant farm. Hey, I have a grenade! Maybe I can blow that door
open if I wedge it in on the side. I’d better find Dave first. So then we’ll have two grenades. Plus, it would be nice to have a witness on this
before I blow up the side of somebody’s home. Yeah, try to shut me out! That guy’ll find out what happens when
Civil Protection comes a-knockin’. What the–? MIKE: [groaning] [slurring] I’ll teach you to
conjugate your verbs, punk… Whoa! What, what? What the–? Whoa. Wait, what the…
Hey, what’s happening?! Hey. Whoa! What the hell? What’s going on? WHERE AM I?! WHY AM I UPSIDE DOWN?! [straining] Damn. DAVE (strangely): Do they do voodoo that they–?
MIKE: Dave! Is that you? Are you stuck, too? DAVE (strangely): Bing bong bong
bing bong bong. MIKE: Man, what happened? You disappeared on me,
I went looking for you, then I… somehow… wound up here. DAVE (strangely): Hoooooloooo
voooodooooo…! MIKE: Quit gibbering, Dave,
we’ve got problems! I can’t move at all! This stuff on me is worse than riot foam! DAVE (strangely): Gloordook. MIKE: Damn it, Dave, stop playing games! We’ve gotta figure out how to get out of here! DAVE: [foreign language] MIKE: What?! [footsteps] MIKE: Hey, somebody’s coming. DAVE (strangely): Baaweep-grannah-
weep-ninny-maw… MIKE: Shut up, Dave! [footsteps] MIKE: Hey, buddy!
Can you give us a hand here? Oh, god! You’re one of
those body-mod junkies. With the piercings… and the… But that’s okay! But that’s okay! We’re not here to judge! Uh, can you get me down from here, man? Yeah, that’s the idea!
Try to cut me loose! [strange noises] [growls] MIKE: Hey, no! Don’t stop! What are you doing? COME BACK! [straining] Oh my god, THIS IS THE WORST
SHIFT I’VE EVER HAD! [pattering noises] Hey, what’s that noise? [pattering noises] [strange squealing, pattering noises] AAAAAAAAAH! WHAT THE HELL ARE THESE THINGS?
THEY’RE FREAKY-LOOKING! Hey! No! Don’t come near me! GET BACK! No! AAAAAAH! MIKE: Dammit, get off me! DAVE: [speaking R’lyehian] MIKE: I can’t even see!
They’re all over my head! DAVE: Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu! MIKE: GET OFF! DAVE: [speaking R’lyehian] MIKE: AAAAAAAAARGH! DAVE: [speaking R’lyehian] [creatures squeal]

100 Replies to “Civil Protection: The Tunnel”

  1. After all these years, I just realized that the bit at 8:55 was a reference to freeman's mind. Eddy is the dude freeman would always mention when he found military surplus as the guy who knew how to sell it.

  2. I hate how this ended with so many unanswered questions. If anyone can explain everything to me or point me to a link that does I would appreciate it.

  3. I'd love an explaination for everything in this video. There's alot of unanswered questions that make this extremely unbearable. I've been wanting answers for years now.

  4. Those weird Cyrillic letters are in bulgarian! WOW! lol I saw them and knew they were weird, but I figured it was Ukraine for some reason.

  5. I want a resolution to this one episode more than I wanted Dark Matter to not end on a cliffhanger every season.

    Please, Ross, give us an update on when/if new Civil Protections are coming, or if you'll explain what's going on here at some point. I know this is seven years old, but it's a good series and this episode was really good, as well. I like the good things to have resolution.

  6. Something I like about this episode is it shows Mike and Dave actually being cops. They hear an ungodly noise and their first impulse is to investigate. Then they find some spooky underground squat and hear screaming, and what do they do? Go running into a pitch dark tunnel to save them without waiting for backup.
    Other episodes show them bullshitting and faffing about, but this shows that they actually do take their jobs seriously and want to help people.

  7. Holy fuck,I remember watching this years ago, but I completely forgot the name. Having this show in my recommended just made my fucking day!!!!

  8. Ross its me, one of your regulars on my real account lol. Where can I get that sound the tunnel creatures make? I really need it.

  9. Ross where can I get the sound effect of the creatures screaming? I need it for a really important project. I HAVE TO MAKE THE MOVIE

  10. Being a short with lovecraftian elements, i love the reference to lovecraft, by calling it Miscatonic tunnel

  11. Lol, I hadn't read or listened to any of HP Lovecraft's works when I first saw this.
    Beautiful tunnel name.

  12. I'm not even exagerrating this is better than almost half of the horror crap I've seen so far in my life

  13. 4:07 that happened to me if they think I was gonna catch someone on foot with out police car in gmod

  14. I just realized, after talking about the birds opening walnuts, dave gets ran over on the crosswalk

  15. I feel completely embarrassed to ask since I was watching somewhere in 2013, but i do remember this particular episode different
    First, As I remember they did not go to the tunnel but under the bridge finding the hole, I'm not sure thought I'm in fact think I very wrong about this

    Now, I'm 100% sure about this, when they entered the hole, I remember them going on light powered tunnel and not searching with flashlight for the room, perhaps they changed it, I'm willing to go through videos to see if there's any vids still like it

    The rest is the same by my memory, so I hope somebody remembers something better then me.

  16. Hope they didn't die somehow. Fuck Ross, you can't make such likeable assholes and then kill them. You didn't kill Gordon (at least in canon).

  17. I love how Mike is so concerned with bureaucratic and mundane stuff that even in horror environment all he commenting and thinking is about how much a drag everything is and how he is going to lock someone up or beat them with a baton or calling reinforcement etc. truely the combine has made such a huge impact in HL universe that even horror doesn't seem that strange to them.

  18. The stalker is malfunctioning because of some mutant ichy infestation that drives stuff insane (like the smirking man) and they were captured i guess

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