Civil Protection: Shadow of A Doubt

Civil Protection: Shadow of A Doubt

[Subtitles by danielsangeo] DAVE (singing): My body lies over the ocean My body lies over the sea I’m no good at astral projection So bring back my body to me. MIKE: Heh. Nice. DAVE: Hey, you sing something. MIKE: No, I’m no good at that. DAVE: Oh, c’mon! Sing something. MIKE: I don’t think that’s such a– DAVE: Sing! Sing! SING! MIKE: OKAY! Christ…! Let me think. Oh, okay, I have one. Do you know, “I’ve Been Working
on the Railroad”? DAVE: Yeah? MIKE: All right, well you start
it off and I’ll sing every other line. DAVE: Okay. (singing) I’ve been working on the railroad. MIKE: Every pointless day. DAVE: I’ve been working on the railroad. MIKE: While my life gets pissed away. DAVE: Can’t you hear the whistle blowing? MIKE: Shatter my dreams in the morn. DAVE: Can’t you hear the captain shouting? MIKE: Wish I was never born! DAVE: Okay, stop. I didn’t realize you
were going to be so gloomy about this. MIKE: Hey, you don’t like my
lyrics, that’s too bad. You know what? I don’t even
know why I’m doing this. What if another patrol comes by
and sees us on the street corner singing like a couple of damned barbers? Just what the hell are we
going to say to them? I mean, are we really trying to set a new
record for the lowest point of our career? DAVE: Yeah, I guess not. MIKE: Though, really, if you replaced
“railroad” with “Civil Protection”, it pretty much sums up this job. It just doesn’t rhyme as well. DAVE: Except our captain
doesn’t shout at anybody. MIKE: Yeah, he just stares at
people he doesn’t like, and sometimes they disappear
a day or two later. DAVE: Eh, that guy’s just spooky. MIKE: Yeah, I guess we should be thankful
Command doesn’t let us anywhere near high-ranking officers. MAN: Uh, excuse me, officer? MIKE: Yeah? What’s up? MAN: Can you tell me how to get
to the train station? MIKE: Oh, yeah. All right, what
you want to do here is take a right at the end of this road and stay on it for about a mile–
I mean, a kilometer or two– until you run into a water tower. Then take another right at the– DAVE: Hey! He’s not casting a shadow! MIKE: What? DAVE: Look at him, he doesn’t
have a shadow! MIKE: Oh, well it must be the angle. We’re probably not casting shadows eith– What the…?! Holy crap! You’re right! What does that mean? Is he a vampire? DAVE: Are you being serious? MIKE: Yes, I’m being serious!
He doesn’t have a shadow! DAVE: No, he’s not a vampire, Mike. You’re thinking of reflections,
not shadows. MIKE: Oh, yeah. DAVE: Besides, if he was a vampire,
he wouldn’t be out in the sun, would he? MIKE: You don’t know that! Dracula could go out in the sun.
He was just weaker. DAVE: Whatever. It’s a
stupid idea anyway. MIKE: Well then, what kind of
person doesn’t cast a shadow? DAVE: Nobody, it’s not possible! MIKE: Well, OBVIOUSLY IT’S POSSIBLE, DAVE! HE’S DOING IT RIGHT NOW! DAVE: Yeah, uh… I don’t, um… hmm… MAN: Well, I don’t want to
bother you anymore. I’ll find the station on my own. MIKE: Oh no you don’t. You’re staying here until
we figure this out. How come you don’t have a shadow? That’s weird! MAN: I don’t know, it’s
probably just bad light. MIKE: “Bad light” my ass! It’s friggin’ high noon out here! MAN: Well, I don’t know then. Besides, that’s not a crime, is it? MIKE: I’m not sure! We’ve never
had to deal with this before. DAVE: Actually, you COULD eliminate
a shadow if the opposite side was emitting just the right amount of
light to counteract it. MIKE: Nope, doesn’t look like
he’s glowing to me. DAVE: Yeah, that’s the problem
with that theory. Maybe if he was a hologram, he could give off faint a shadow
that we just don’t see it. MIKE: No, he’s real all right. MAN: Hey! DAVE: Well, I’m out of ideas, then. MIKE: Go and walk behind him, see if
you can cast a shadow from there. DAVE: Wow. MIKE: I think he IS a vampire. DAVE: Mike, vampires don’t exist! MIKE: Well c’mon, reflections,
shadow, it’s all the same thing, just light bouncing around. MAN: C’mon, guys. I’m not trying
to cause any trouble. MIKE: Well, it’s a little late
for THAT, isn’t it?! MAN: I’ve got a train to catch! DAVE: Hey, we’ve all got a train to catch. MAN: What?! MIKE: I think we should take him in. DAVE: On what charge? MIKE: I don’t care. I want to show
him off to the rest of the squad. DAVE: Well, we can’t just take
him in without a reason. MIKE: We HAVE a reason! DAVE: But, I think he’s right
about it not being a crime. MIKE: Now don’t take his side on this! DAVE: I’m not taking his side.
I’m just saying– MIKE: All right all right all
right all right… Give me a second, I’ll think of a charge. DAVE: Hmm. MIKE: Jaywalking! Oh, he is SO guilty. Let’s grab him. DAVE: Well, look who suddenly has a shadow. MIKE: Okay, what the hell? MAN: See, I told it was just bad light. DAVE: I don’t think so. MIKE: No, he’s just screwing with us. Well, don’t think that growing a
shadow is going to save you now! You were jaywalking so you’re coming with us! You didn’t even TRY to use that
crosswalk over there. And look at you. You’re still
standing in the road! MAN: That wasn’t a problem earlier! MIKE: That doesn’t matter! What do you think the statue of limitation
is on jaywalking? Three minutes? DAVE: Hey, what is the
statute on jaywalking? MIKE: I don’t know, but it’s
longer than that! HEY! GET BACK HERE! Vampire! DAVE: Well. (singing) Bring back, bring back Bring back my body to me, to me Bring back, bring back Oh, bring back my body to me.

100 Replies to “Civil Protection: Shadow of A Doubt”

  1. My headcanon: When Freeman teleported out of the Lambda Labs, it created two Gordon's. The one in the Forest, and the other in Xen. The one that stole the Ranger's Jeep changed his name to Mike and made it through the seven hour war. He then got a job with Civil Protection. There's clues all over the place.

  2. I like to think that Ross randomly figured out that he could control NPC's shadows, and then just used the whole mechanic as a basis for the episode

  3. There's just this creeping sense of madness behind the whole series… things are normal MOST of the time… but then stuff like this happens and there is never an explanation. Sanity is just a thin veil.

  4. I have a theory, ahem, this man is Peter Pan. His shadow ran away temporarily but since it didnt want to go to jail with him it came back when they started questioning

  5. wait, is the shadowless guys dialogue part of the game? or is it actually voiced by someone? the lip-sync is spot on if its the latter

  6. It's worth noting that Ross's explanation of the shadowless guy was something along the lines of there being beings from behind our reality

  7. If this was HL2RP That citizen would've gotten the shit beaten out of him and tossed into the Nexus for trying to ask where the train station was.

  8. Ever since I saw this video 10 years ago I've had a theory that he has no shadow because he is a player character. At least I think this is how Ross got the idea. As to growing the shadow back – it's a mystery!

  9. In Hawaii, when the sun is straight down over the islands, there is no shadow, and the whole place looks like a bad video game render.

  10. Dave: I've been working on the railroad!
    Mike: Every pointless day.
    Dave: I've been working on the railroad!
    Mike: While my life gets pissed away.
    Dave: Can't you hear the whistle blowing?
    Mike: Shatter my dreams in the morn.
    Dave: Can't you hear the captain shouting?
    Mike: Wish I was never born.

  11. The guy is an astral projection. The hint is in Dave's song. He's not really walking there, he just exists in their minds.

  12. I've been working on the railroad
    Every pointless day.
    I've been working on the railroad
    While my life gets pissed away.
    Cant you hear the whistle blowing
    Shatter my dreams in the morn.
    Cant you hear the captain shouting
    Wish i was never born.

  13. A lot of holes in the vampire theory.

    Personally, I think he's Peter Pan all grown up and wandering around eastern Europe.

    We all know he had trouble keeping track of his shadow. How long are those stitches Wendy used supposed to last anyway? It was just waiting for the moment when Pete wasn't looking and hopped out of sight just to screw with him. Pan tried to play it off as best he could. I mean, it's not as if he could tell Mike and Dave his story. Alien invasion aside, when you go around claiming to be the eponymous hero from a children's story it might get you a few sideways glances at best, or a one-way trip to a loony bin at worst.

    Plus, what if they did believe him? He doesn't know if they'd be compelled to report him to their higher-ups, and you just know the Combine would be very interested. Granted, they already have pretty advanced tech, but what civilization wouldn't be interested in the secret of personal flight capability? They'd put whatever the aliens use for thumbscrews to this guy in a heartbeat.

    Christ, I just thought of something else – Peter Pan is a trans-dimensional being! He could cross between this dimension and the Never dimension at will. I imagine creatures who have to use bulky teleporters would be very interested in that little trick. And what do you get in the Never dimension? Immor-fucking-tality!!! That is either a quantum leap in the field of biology (arresting cellular senescence) or physics (complete disregard of relativity) and I don't know which one is more Earth-shattering!

    …Now I think about it, it's probably biological since you could still be killed in Neverland. But regardless, imagine what an alien race could do with any of those secrets. That shadow doesn't know what horrors its antics could unleash on an already horrifying world. It should have just let Pan lay low, which he's obviously been doing successfully for a whi–

    Holy shit, he's a spy! He could just be hiding out back in Neverland, but of course he knows what's happening in this dimension and must be working with the resistance to drive off the invaders. Now his cover's been blown because the shadow wanted to have a joke.


  14. The reason for the absence of a shadow is probably a result of Dave’s astral projection. The citizen without a shadow is probably a form of his projection. It sounds stupid, but it makes more sense than a vampire.

  15. Actually Dracula was at his most powerful at high noon in the book apparently, so… Yeah, don't challenge the guy to a showdown.

  16. My body lies over the ocean
    My body lies over the SEA
    I’m no good at astral projection
    So bring back my body to me!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *