Civil Protection: On A Rail

Civil Protection: On A Rail

[Subtitles by danielsangeo] MIKE: This is SO stupid! DAVE: C’mon, man, this is
going to be awesome! MIKE: Yeah, well, I don’t think
of dying as being very awesome. DAVE: You’ll be fine.
I have it all worked out. I have the perfect spot to jump off. MIKE: Dave, are you out
of your damned mind?! Don’t do it! DAVE: Why not? MIKE: Because you’ll get
killed, you nutjob! DAVE: Huh? MIKE: That apparently doesn’t bother you
any, but I’ll feel terrible if that happens. Especially if it’s because of
some brain-dead whimsy of yours! Plus, I don’t want to fill out 300-pages
of paperwork trying to explain this. If I say that my partner, out of the
blue, decided it would be a fun idea to kill himself right in front of me,
that’s not going to sound too good. In fact, that’ll sound REALLY bad! DAVE: So, are you coming or what? MIKE: No, you crazy bastard! DAVE: Wuss! MIKE: Lunatic! DAVE: Dude, this is YOUR loss. [train whistle] DAVE: Come on, I can hear it
coming. Let’s go. MIKE: NO! DAVE: Fine then.
I’ll meet you back here… [train whistle] DAVE: Enjoy watching. Wuss. ♫ ♪ DAVE: Yeah! MIKE: Jesus… ♫ ♪ MAN: You’re crazy. VORT: You say that, but you
ain’t listenin’ to what I’m sayin’! Da point is, dey became– DAVE: WHOOOOOOOOOOO-HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO! VORT: What da hell? ♫ ♪ DAVE: Whoo-hoo! ♫ ♪ [crickets chirping] MIKE (thinking): Oh, this is great. It’s going to be dark soon and
Dave’s still not back yet. Good job, Mike! You get to tell Command that
your partner’s missing because he decided to jump off a
bridge and go train surfing! Like anyone’s going to believe that. Hey, wait a minute. What if he’s dead? He could’ve slipped and got
caught under the tracks. They’ll want my badge for
allowing this to happen. Or worse yet, think that I
killed him and press charges. They could hang me for that. Jesus, maybe I should’ve jumped. It would’ve been quicker than
waiting for the noose. DAVE: Mike! MIKE: Dave! You’re not dead! DAVE: Dude! I TOLD you it was going to work! MIKE: Well, I stand corrected. DAVE: Well, you still have a
chance to redeem yourself. The 8:15 should be along
here any minute now. MIKE: Whoa, now wait a minute. DAVE: Oh, come ON, man! MIKE: Dammit, Dave. We don’t
have time to be taking joyrides! We’re supposed to be on patrol, remember? DAVE: Oh yeah? Well, I think I’ve
covered a lot more ground than you have. MIKE: (growls) DAVE: Tell you what: you jump with me
and I’ll buy lunch all of next week. MIKE: Hey, wait, are you
serious? All of next week? DAVE: Yeah. [train alarm] DAVE: Well? MIKE: Fine. You’re on! But I want some Chinese food next week. Some Kung Pao chicken or something. DAVE: All right, let’s do this. MIKE: Moo goo gai pan. ♫ ♪ Sweet and sour pork. DAVE: Just follow my lead. ♫ ♪ Here we go. MIKE: Teriyaki… ♫ ♪ DAVE: Mike! You oka– MIKE: (groaning) That was stupid! (sobbing) DAVE! I’m never listening to you again! (sobbing)

100 Replies to “Civil Protection: On A Rail”


    it's a issue with the source engine, a NPC with custom animations and AI ontop of a moving object can cause animation glitches as the NPC is trying to keep up

  2. I know I saw this years ago, but this is still the best one of these videos, I swear. Β That was just a fun ride! Β Bonus points for the Jazz Jackrabbit music at the end!

  3. I re-watched the ending so many times it stopped being funny……oh wait forget what i just typed.

  4. Okay, here's a little thought. Maybe make Mike and Dave show up in Freeman's Mind HL2 when you get around to it. Freeman could ask himself if one of the cops sounded like him…

  5. What really makes me like this, is it doesn't have nearly as much funding, or as big of a team working on this show, as Red vs Blue does. However, even without nice funding, and amazing animators, this Civil Protection show is STILL AWESOME!
    Imagine the kind of fantastic stuff we'd get if Ross had funding, popularity, and a better network of people to call on for assistance.

  6. 2:01
    My secret dream
    To stand on a train yelling "Wooohoohooo!!!" passing by some commuters as they think "WTF?"

  7. i knew that was going to happen at the end i was saying "welp it didnt happen the first time its going to happen the second time dont test your luck with trains"

  8. Seriously? No one in the entire comments section is going to acknowledge the fact that the evil gman just walks right in front of this guy and nothing happens? The gman is right there and civil protection just ignores him!! WTF?!

  9. why didn't mike just radio dave to make sure he is okay instead of waiting a hundred days waiting for him?

  10. Every once in a while I come back to this vid, if only to enjoy the sheer awesomeness happening from 1:29 onward.
    Admit it – you did the same :>

  11. Something about how Mike flopped into the train crotch first and cartwheeled downwards combined with Dave hitting his head and just kind of flopping down but at like breakneck speeds is super hilarious to me

  12. you know after all these years i just saw how similar those damn cameras are to the portal cores. and yes I am aware of the thing in half life 2 episode 2 with that truck that says aperture on it.

  13. I have a theory that Mike is actually Freeman. Maybe after the events of half life 2 Gordon decided to join civil protection, but he had to change his name because he was a fugitive. (This is just a theory you don't have to believe it)

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