Civil Protection: Oil’s Well

Civil Protection: Oil’s Well

[Subtitles by danielsangeo] DAVE: Hey Mike. What’s up? MIKE: Oh hey, Dave. DAVE: What are you doing? MIKE: Well, I was just
sitting here, thinking. DAVE: About what? MIKE: Just how different things are now. DAVE: Yeah, you’re telling me. Man, if I could go back in time, do you
know how rich I’d be right now? MIKE: Well, I meant problems
society had in general. I was thinking of oil in particular. DAVE: Oh yeah. That was a real
time bomb waiting to go off, huh? MIKE: Yeah. I was watching a
special about it on TV last night and it was a real eye-opener. DAVE: Better than me. I fell asleep
watching some game show in Spanish. MIKE: Well, I was surprised
about everything it was saying. Like how, during the 20th-century, we basically drained all the
largest oil deposits around the globe except for Siberia and the
Middle East, and even then, there were many indications that the
global oil supply was getting ready to peak. Our discovery of new oil fields had actually been declining slowly
ever since the ’60s. The new deposits we were finding
were worth billions of barrels but that wouldn’t have lasted our
consumption rate for more than a few months. The United States alone had been sucking
down more than 20 billion barrels annually. DAVE: Breathe deep! MIKE: We were scrambling. We were already desperate
enough to turn to tar sands, which was a more wasteful way
of extracting the oil. We were even look at oil-shale deposits which took more energy to extract
than we got back from the oil itself. It’s like trying to put out a fire
by burning down another building. DAVE: We should’ve just burned
it all. Burn everything. MIKE: Plus, on top of the US and Europe, DAVE: Burn…
MIKE: China and India were just starting to come online which only escalated the problem. DAVE: Burn… MIKE: All of modern society was
dependent on cheap oil and we were content to drive it
off a cliff when it ran out. The average person wasn’t even
aware there was a problem. It wasn’t going to be until they
could no longer afford to drive to work, shop at stores or buy groceries. Good luck trying to maintain
peace and order then. We could’ve been facing
practical anarchy and famine wars. Civilization might’ve reverted
to how the Amish lived. Except everyone would’ve had
guns and been trying to kill each other. DAVE: I never really thought of
the Amish that way. MIKE: It’s incredible. We had
almost no backup plan in place at all. I mean, we saw this coming miles away, but most of our political
leaders were jerking around, pursuing impractical options if
not ignoring the problem entirely. We already had enormous energy
and transportation needs. Alternatives like hydrogen cars
and a fuel-cell infrastructure were still just a pipe dream. Conventional ethanol production wasn’t
practical on the scale that we needed it, and even accelerated the
impending hunger problem. I guess it seems obvious now, but the most sane solution would’ve
been a massive shift to electric vehicles and widespread adoption of power
plants based on renewable energy to help pick up the slack. Plus, that wouldn’t have
hurt our air quality any. But, no, that would’ve made sense. Can’t have that. Hell, we almost had it coming. DAVE: Bad monkey! MIKE: Yep, it was looking pretty bad. But then… aliens from outer space showed
up and started attacking the Earth. They decimated our defenses in a
matter of hours, forcing us to surrender, and the aftermath left us with
over 80% of the population dead, and the rest of humanity
conquered on its own planet. And suddenly it’s like, boom!
Problem solved. DAVE: I’ll give you that. Killing off 5 billion people did wonders for
solving most of our social problems. MIKE: It sure did! Now
there are no politics. You either do what the
government says or you die. And, what do you know? Now most
our energy is renewable, there’s enough food for everyone, and
crime is at its lowest in recorded history. It’s a total U-turn. DAVE: And don’t forget about
pollution or global warming. We now have air quality comparable to
before the Industrial Revolution! Remember: your decomposing corpse puts out
less greenhouse gases than your hybrid car! MIKE: Heh heh heh.
DAVE: I think. MIKE: Yeah, good thing we don’t have to
worry about any of that stuff any more. DAVE: Yep. It still kind of bites being
ruled by aliens, though. MIKE: Eh, it’s not so bad. As long as they keep signing my
paychecks, that’s all I care about. DAVE: Well, how about knowing that most
of the people you ever knew in your life are all dead now? MIKE: Nah, they all sucked anyway. Hey, uh, what’s with the machine gun? DAVE: Oh, I was going to
try fishing with it.

100 Replies to “Civil Protection: Oil’s Well”

  1. problem with electric cars is you need to mine lithium and other rare earth minerals on a massive scale, which is enormously destructive and habitat-destroying. Same with mass-producing solar panels. You can use, say, hydroelectricity or nuclear and geothermal plants to run the grid easily, but getting that into things like vehicles is a whole other story

  2. Actually the earth is worse off under the Combine in the Half Life universe. The oceans are receding, pollution is rampant (notice how half the canals were filled with toxic waste?), and it's speculated that the world is likely being harvested for it's natural resources by the Combine- which would fit their name as a harvest. The original beta had plans for the air to be horribly polluted as well, being both suctioned by giant terraforming machines, and polluted to make it more habitable for alien life.

  3. Everyone is pointing out Postal Guy, and I'm here, hit hard by nostalgia, caused by dat Space Rangers soundtrack.

  4. I just noticed, Mike has a 107 armband, and Dave has a 148 armband. So they don't just have the same texture.

    Little touches!

  5. My friends… … … I present to you… The decisions of government officials,in a nutshell…

    "But no,that would've made sense! We can't have that!"

  6. Civil Protection reminds me of an inside look on Intsec-Troops from the Paranoia-RPG. Bumbling stormtroopers talking stupidly about the hellhole they live in. Beautiful

  7. Fast forward some years later and the message changes to "Oh, nevermind, we found a shit-ton more oil. . . Should probably still be looking into alternate stuff, though."

  8. I believe Galen Winsor might have had the solution to our current energy crisis:

  9. Maybe thay why g-man had made the residance cascade happening so we can let earth restore itself and make us less oil consumers

  10. So i was listening to that mesmerizing background music at the start and at first i couldn't come up from which game, but watching this machinima again it suddenly came up in my mind… Soul Reaver! At the Elder God's lair.

  11. So the solution to our problem is….
    …definitively not actually improving our energy using lifestyles… uh

    NO! We should piss off an alien race! That'll solve the problem.

  12. Fun fact: Making the batteries for one electric car puts out as much emissions as a gas car would in the average lifespan of a car.

  13. Plan A: UFO's comes down and Kills 80 to 90 percent of earth's people and control the rest. Now we have, the poor, military, and rulers. (Just like in Egypt, but worst.)

    If that don't work:

    Plan B: UFO ships come down and kill people, but the whole world becomes 1 world alliance and destroy them. Next, the whole world wants a 1 World government because now everyone is friends with each other. Now the kings can Control the whole population by giving everyone a CHIP inside of them and if they don't comply they die. If people with CHIP don't listen to Rulers or 1 world Government or kings they will die. Listen or you die, with one push of a button. Problem solve for evil sake.

    Good idea: Plan C: How bout we have more farmers growing plants,(more food) cars run on water than gas(they have those, and you save money and have no pollution), no chem-trails,(breath better, no sickness) make are own products, companies in USA,(more jobs for people) no taxes, (taxes were use for WW1 & WW2, its over, why still tax us? And we have more money saved), better well water,( no pollution water) cost less electricity,(save money) less or no radiation by taking down phone towers. (At least keep 3G or less) (No 4G and beyond).(not slowly dying) No adding chemical, crap ingredients, or GMO in food.( Not getting dumber or sick) Everyone should love each other, don't hate, and don't judge by appearance. Be yourself.(Love everywhere) Build community's of people across the nation and if anyone needs a house, food, meds or ect will have them.(More Love everywhere) Their's others, but our earth's humans and people can do better than this than today.

  14. Yeah about that environment, the combine are draining earth of its resources and are stealing away our oceans, not to mention dumping loads of toxic waste.

  15. I love the fact that Postal Dude has died during the alien attack. I mean after all the garbage he has gone through (soccer moms, butchers, police, swat, zombies, giant Mike Jaret-schachter mutant cow that shoots milk out of his udders, book nuts, Krotchy, Garry Coleman, the army, a fucking tank, ebola cows, even pigeons! PIGEONS!), it's ALIENS that finish him off!

  16. "most of our energy is renewable"
    yeah right… nothing can go wrong with that… right? it's not like this whole timeline escaled from a certain incident 20 years prior in a scientific facility while trying to analyze an unstable material with an antimass spectrometer… absolutely fucking not

  17. Don't be surprised if everything in this video becomes true. Right now we are at the climate dictatorship stage to conceal that we are running out of oil… eventually aliens will invade (i doubt they will be real, they will just be another distraction by the oligarchs)… and in the end everyone is being forced to stay crammed into dystopian orwellian megacities whice the nature is being farmed and made uninhabitable by the same oligarchs who make you believe that aliens took over…. in reality it is just them taking planet earths last breath and enslaving humanity for their own profit. Agenda2030… we will soon enough have our own version of the 7 hour war. Brace for impact 2025 +/- a few years.

  18. And recently, riots have started in France over fuel prices….

    Also, right now, an electric car is too expensive for the average person.Only hybrids are widely used..

  19. MIKE: Hey uh, what's with the machine gun?
    DAVE: Oh, I was going to try fishing with it.

    This is why I love Dave

  20. Everything was right except for pollution. There's a ton more trash in the streets, and it's literally appreciated by the combine to clean up. This is in part because of the fact that areas once managed by the other 5 Billion people are now unused, building up pollution and toxicness, as well as creating a lush habitat for alien kind.

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