Civil Protection: Aliens (part 2)

Civil Protection: Aliens (part 2)

MIKE: You guys just don’t get it. DAVE: You’re just thinking
about it too much. MIKE: Oh, and what are YOU
thinking about, Socrates? DAVE: Well, now you’ve got me
thinking about the Combine. MIKE: Yeah, and how they need a
better name, right? DAVE: No. I mean, if we should
really be working for them. MIKE: I don’t see why not. If
you can’t beat ’em, join ’em. Besides, with our job skills, what’s
the alternative? Garbage collector? DAVE: Well, we could
always join the rebels. MIKE: Oh, please! The rebels are idiots. DAVE: What makes you say that? MIKE: Because they’re
all heart and no brain. If you look at the big picture, they may as well be fighting the
aliens with Nerf ball guns. DAVE: Oh, it can’t be that bad. They wouldn’t be fighting if
they didn’t think they had a chance. MIKE: I understand where
they’re coming from. Nobody’s holding hands and singing “Joy
to the World” since the aliens showed up and kicked our ass, but let’s
look at the facts: the aliens conquered us in a
matter of hours! The entire planet! Isn’t that what we call the
invasion now? “The Seven Hour War”? You know why? DAVE: Because it lasted sev– MIKE: Because it lasted seven
hours, that’s why! Most people are at work longer than that. That means that in less time than it takes
for Joe Average to clock in and clock out at the office, the aliens
conquered the whole Earth, whereas all Joe did was make
some spreadsheets. MIKE: Well, that’s because they
caught us off-guard. DAVE: Okay, let’s say we were
ready for them. Then what? We’d call it “The Ten Hour War”? They tore into us like a pack of wolves. The rebels just aren’t
doing the math on this. Look, who has more fighters?
The rebels or the aliens? DAVE: The aliens? MIKE: Who has more resources? DAVE: The aliens. MIKE: Who has WAY better technology? DAVE: Yeah, I see your point. Hey, I got a stupid question. MIKE: What’s that? MIKE: What do the Combine
look like, anyway? MIKE: Y’know, I’m not sure either.
That’s how good they are. It’s not like they showed up
themselves to conquer the Earth. No, they were kicking it back at
their homeworld, sipping alien martinis while they sent another alien race they had already conquered to
come conquer us FOR THEM! Now that’s just slick. DAVE: Wow, and now we’re working for them. MIKE: Yep. It’s the pyramid
scheme from hell. So, you still want to join the rebels? DAVE: Maybe not. You’re making
them sound stupid. MIKE: Yeah, well, I think cows are stupid,
too. But does it make them stupid? DAVE: Yeah, wait… what?! MIKE: Forget it. Just think about
things before you go and– DAVE: Hey, check it out. MIKE: What? DAVE: Another pigeon. MIKE: Sweet. It’s my turn, isn’t it? DAVE: Yeah, I think so. MIKE: You see anybody coming? DAVE: Nah, I think you’re good. MIKE: Okay, pigeon. You’re mine! Ready… Aim… DAVE: OH MY GOD, LOOK OUT! MIKE: (screams) You ASS! DAVE: Ha ha. You suck. Here, let me show you how it’s done. MIKE: Damn! How’d you get to be such a good shot? DAVE: Just lots of time down at the range. I find it’s easier when you tape
people’s faces over the targets. Hell, I even used yours a couple times. I usually blow out the face of
the target, though, so, I just bring them home and
draw smiley faces in the gaps and use it to decorate my apartment. [thumping sounds] MIKE: Thanks for sharing that, Dave. It’s good to know you’re not
psycho or anything. DAVE: Pew. Pewpewpewpewpew! [thumping sounds] MIKE: Hey, can you hear that? DAVE: Yeah, that’s me, silly. MIKE: No, that deeper sound. [thumping sounds] [strider calls] MIKE: I, uh, think we’ve got a problem. DAVE: What do you think it wants? MIKE: I… don’t know. Why is it just staring at us? DAVE: I don’t know either. Heh heh, hey, I dare you to shoot it. MIKE: No, I’m not going to shoot it! DAVE: Chicken! Bok-bok-bok-bok… bkaw! [strider roars] MIKE: Hey, Dave, here’s a better idea: how about YOU shoot it and I’ll
run away and hide? DAVE: Bok-kaw! MIKE: Maybe we shouldn’t
have shot the pigeon. DAVE: Excuse me, I shot the pigeon! You shot up the windows over
there, you lunatic. MIKE: I wouldn’t if you hadn’t scared me! DAVE: Oh, quit complaining. This
thing is probably going to kill you anyway. MIKE: Hey, if it kills me, it’s
going to kill you, too. I don’t know why you sound
so calm about this. DAVE: Of course it won’t. Big
alien… robot… things… love me! I mean, look at him, he’s just
a big friendly guy. MIKE: Dave, this isn’t a stray dog. DAVE: I shall call you Simba. [Dave whistles the 5 pipe tones
from Close Encounters of the Third Kind] MIKE: What’s that? DAVE: An alien greeting. MIKE: Wait… no, it’s not! That’s from a movie. That’s not going to help us! DAVE: Of course it will! Simba
understands what I’m saying. Isn’t that right, Simba? Watch. [Dave whistles the 5 pipe tones
from Close Encounters of the Third Kind] MIKE: All right, I’m going to
start walking away slowly. If you want to do your snake-charming
routine there, knock yourself out. Okay, maybe not. [Dave whistles the first 3 pipe tones
from Close Encounters of the Third Kind] [strider finishes the last 2 pipe tones]
DAVE: Ah-hah! MIKE: Hey, look out! IT’S GONNA– WAAAAAAAHHHH! DAVE: Oops. Mike! You okay?! Now, that wasn’t very nice. Bad Simba! [strider whines] DAVE: Mike?! MIKE: Dave! DAVE: Yeah? MIKE: You’re dead!
…as soon as I can walk again. [strider whistles the last 2 pipe tones] DAVE: Quiet, Simba. [Subtitles by danielsangeo]

100 Replies to “Civil Protection: Aliens (part 2)”

  1. At the end of Half Life 2. You go inside the Citadel? Your Gravity Gun gets screwed with? It basically electrocutes/one shots/disintegrates all the Combine soldiers…
    Oh yeah, spoilers and all that.

  2. After Half-Life 2; Episode 2
    Who has more fighters?; The Rebels.
    Who has more resources?; The Rebels.
    Who has better technology?; The sides are equal because the Rebels stole the Combine tech.

    I wonder if Dave and Mike got out of City 17 when the Citadel fell. If they did, what happens to them afterwards? I MUST KNOW

  3. If you're not sure what the combine look like, loom at pictures of people who smoke 99000000000000000 cigars, it looks similar enough.

  4. I know bunch of people that would be more than glad living under an extraterrestrial civilization's dictature… All these tinfoil hat people and others that always pessimistically criticize humanity for all the bad things on Earth… I think the aliens wouldn't even bother firing a single shot, since their sympathisans would take over Earth for them and present it in a golden plate…

  5. I'm beginning to think Mike & Dave are humans working for the Combine, kinda like Barney, except he was on the Rebel's side.

  6. The Combine? They look like this

  7. Alright I noticed something: When the strider was passing by, the power lines were bouncing, and when the strider stopped, they settled down like normal wires would. Did Ross do that or is the physics engine just that damn good?

  8. when talking about "The Combine" as a whole I normally just call them the Synth because its 99% of them. or I just say that in general. you can read up on it….

  9. 1:33 Hey, that's a matter of opinion and timeframe, Mike! AFTER the Citadel fell and the Combine were cut off from their homeworld, the Rebels had about the same amount of resources and fighters as them. Not to mention, the Rebels have finally developed a reliable local teleport technology, something that Judith Mossman herself says the Combine still haven't mastered.

  10. I've got an idea. What if Ross Scott, Burnie Burns and John Graham collaborated on a machinims as writers, directors and voice actors? Is this a good idea?

  11. They forgot that the combine only assimilated many humans into the Overwatch. The Combine aren't humanoid. Their assimilated soldiers are. They where just given synth support units leftover from the invasion. The rebels have developed countermeasures against these using a combination of their own tech and combine tech.

  12. 1:20: The 10 hour war…2 hours for the combine to laugh their collective ass off at hunanities pitiful "attempts" to resist, 7 hours to kick our ass.

  13. 2:16 when you realize that the combine's true leadership didn't even bother to show up and basically sent their equivalent of "flunkies" to kick hunanities sh**t in for them, because lets face it were probable way down their list of things to do.

  14. You know after watching this again these "C.P." cops have a point before Freeman showed up recking the Combine's plans the "rebels" were really "all heart but no brains." Now don't get me wrong their in the right place (I, like Mike get were they're coming from), rule under the Combine is not great, infact it's horrible…but the resistance is lacking some serious resources and man power. Other than major potential tactical advantage of powerful in universe teleportation tech, that didn't even seem to work half the time! They were basically inept, a nonthreat in the grand scheme of things.

  15. What Mike says about the rebels turned out to be reality, in Epistle 3 you, can read of how tiny everything on Earth felt when compared to the Combine.

  16. What ARE the striders exactly anyway? I haven't played HL2 or watched a play through of it because all these years I wanted to experience it all through Freeman's mind.

  17. 1:25 Honestly even with advanced warning, even with preperation, even if the world's governments knew exactly were to point their most powerful weapons at during the initial "Combine" portal openings…at best it would've been called the week and a half war…

  18. 4:13 I would have slowly approached the Strider and pet him
    "hey, buddy, how are you doing? erased from existance any citizens or rebels with that deathray of yours today? who's a good tripod boy? yes, you are :3"

  19. 1:22
    Totally ignored a rebel like its not even there. 10/10 job, these guys should be civil protection Commanders

  20. The combine do have an actual name, the rebels call them combine. The soldiers names are over watch trans human army, the combine actual name is Universal Union

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