Civil Protection: Aliens (Part 1)

Civil Protection: Aliens (Part 1)

[Subtitles by danielsangeo] MIKE: Dave, I shouldn’t even
have to explain this. We’re uniformed officers on duty. That means Dumpster-diving is not cool. In FACT, it wouldn’t it be cool
even if we were OFF-duty. So, GET OUT OF THERE! DAVE: Hold on, I’ve almost got it. MIKE: Just hurry up before
anyone sees you. DAVE: Got it! MIKE: Got what? DAVE: You’ll see! MIKE: This better not be a dead cat. DAVE: Better! MIKE: I’m glad I can’t smell you
through this mask. DAVE: I found a radio. MIKE: Hey, really? Does it work? DAVE: I think so. I got the
power to come on. MIKE: Well, let’s hear it. BREEN: Let me remind all citizens
of the dangers of magical thinking… MIKE: Ehhh, not more of this crap. Try another station, see if you
can get some music. FEMALE VOICE: Black Mesa East to
Station 6, do you read? METROCOP VOICE: Officer down,
request all units Code 3 to my– MIKE: Hey, there we go. [music] RADIO: Fat people, not good Fat people, not good MIKE: What the…? RADIO: Fat people, not-not DAVE: Are they saying,
“Fat people, not good”? RADIO: Fat people, not good MIKE: Okay, just turn it off,
this is just weird. RADIO: Fat people, not good
Fat people– DAVE: Well, that was a disappointment. MIKE: Yeah. Man, radio kind of sucks
now that the aliens have taken over. DAVE: You mean, the Combine? MIKE: No, the OTHER aliens that took over
the Earth and conquered the human race. DAVE: C’mon, it’s not like the Combine
are the only aliens here now. MIKE: Yeah, but how many alien
races have taken over the Earth? DAVE: Uh… MIKE: Hi-de-ho. Kermit the Frog here, today’s Sesame Street on alien invasions
is brought to you by the number 1. DAVE: Mike, quit being a smart ass! If you meant the Combine, why
didn’t you just say, “The Combine”? MIKE: Because it’s a stupid name. I mean, it’s a verb, for crying out loud. Aliens aren’t verbs. They’re nouns! DAVE: Actually, I think it’s also the
name for some kind of farm equipment, like a thresher or something. MIKE: That’s even worse. Now we have a word that could mean to mix
things together, a piece of farm equipment, and let’s see… oh, yeah,
that’s right, it can also mean the most advanced form of life
in the known universe. DAVE: So? MIKE: “So?” C’mon, man! They’re ALIENS! We didn’t even know they existed until they
dropped in to invade us a few years ago. I mean, their real names are the Glorksg…
Glorksghh… something I can’t pronounce. So, we’re the ones that
came up with a new name and you’re telling me “the Combine”
is the best we could come up with? They should their own names like
Gargs or Yorps or something. DAVE: Yorps? MIKE: Well, it doesn’t have to be that;
it’s just off the top of my head. Hey, oh, ah, okay, look. This is a perfect example of
what I’m talking about. Now, we named these aliens right! We called them “The Vortigaunts”! Now, how cool is that? Is that cool or is that cool? DAVE: I g–
MIKE: I think it’s cool. DAVE: I guess… MIKE: Here, let’s ask him. Hey, buddy! Yeah, you! Come over here a minute! VORT: Aw, hell… (cough) I ain’t do nuthin’, officer. MIKE: Huh? Oh, you’re not in trouble.
I just have a question for you. VORT: I ain’t see nuthin’ neither! MIKE: Do you think “The Combine”
is a dumb name for an alien race. I mean, you guys have cool names. VORT: I don’t know. I was just
goin’ down t’store get some beer. MIKE: Damn, this early in the morning? VORT: Uhhh… I got an ID? MIKE: Eh, forget it, just get
out of here. VORT: Okay, officer. MIKE: We have TOOTHPASTE that’s
more creative of a name– VORT: That was close!

43 Replies to “Civil Protection: Aliens (Part 1)”

  1. Considering that "Civil Protection" supposedly takes place "a couple years" after the invasion of the Combine I could only imagine where MIke and Dave went in the next 20-11 years when Gordon Freeman practically rebels the entire human race against the Combine. Considering both characters are certainly in their mid-to-late 20's in or around the early-2000's and at the latest the late-2000's then both would be around their late-30's, early-40's, mid-40's or late-40's depending on when Half-Life 2 takes place in the 2020's.

  2. I'm sure i'm not the first to say this, but I'm fairly sure the combine are called as such because they're likened to the combine harvester, sucking in, chewing up, and spitting out other races they've conquered to suit their needs. Especially given that one of the Breen speeches in game during nova prospect mentions how it's the 'Universal Union that small minds call The Combine'

  3. has anyone ever mentioned that in this you sound eerily similiar to one of the voice actors for the venture bros?

  4. i thot if i could piss all over the foundation and mark my body up no one would come into my room to drug me over the fact it was full program

  5. see if no drug dealers want to step into my piss on the concrete foundation then they stay the hell off of me

  6. that way theirs just this resemblance of a black hole sitting in your room so no one disturbs you in your sleep

  7. nothing but hope in this black hole you see muppets just pop out at you and oh theirs hentai on abilify yep its knot some reluctant temptations like its fluttershy see thats how its someone walking outside with a strider gun assaulting people who just wanna xplane!

  8. I think the humans call them Combine because they harvest other races. As Doctor Breen said, uneducated opinions call them 'Combine'.

  9. I had a dream when watching this playlist where I was a citizen watching Dave fuck mike whal master bating and singing I don’t want to set the wold on fire

  10. Woah, Woah, Woah! Hold on! I never noticed this, but you're telling me Ross voiced that vortigaunt!? The one that sounded like Louis Armstrong? That's fucking unbelievable. That sounds like the bourbon-scraped throat of a 60 year old, southern black man in Louisiana. I can't believe that! Ross! You gotta' give that voice a cameo somewhere!

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